Anal Sex Hurts

Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He likes anal and I didn't mind trying it. However we didn't even get an inch in before I was squinting in pain. I told him to stop. This happened a few times until I’d finally had enough and just bore the pain (my boyfriend was sweet and listened to my every word) once it was in it was fine. So we did this a few times. Pain and then pleasure until I started to have some bum problems. So I said no to anal sex (my boyfriend didn't mind at all). It’s been a year since we last had it and my bum is back to normal. I want to try again, but I am scared I’ll have recurring problems. Is there any help you can give me apart from lots of lube and take it slow etc. I’ve tried everything. I don’t understand why it hurts to much to get it in. not that I want to aspire to be a porn star, but how can they have so much anal sex and not have any medical problems, when I have it a few 'gentle' times and have problems. Any help?

A. We’re happy to hear that you and your sexual partner have such a good track record of communication. It is one of the cornerstones of successfully experimenting with a new sexual technique. When it comes to anal sex, it works best when both your mind and body are relaxed, and for the majority of people, it takes a lot of practice to become that comfortable. Even actors that perform anal sex in adult film had to start somewhere!

If you are committed to giving it another try, start by casting off the expectations that you will do it and enjoy it. Every body is different, and you can’t coerce yourself into performing this sexual act; it can end in unfortunate circumstances, as you’re well aware from your past experience. The fear of experiencing pain can be overcome by you taking the steps to make it good for you, not just your partner. Here are some tips...

1. Become an expert on the subject. Check out our ‘how-to’ on Anal Intercourse.

2. Include anal play as part of your solo self pleasuring routine.

3. Agree to anal play with your lover but exclude penile penetration. This will alleviate any pressure or fear that you may experience during the early stages of experimentation.

4. Be patient with the degree of penetration that feels comfortable. Begin with a finger, then a small toy, afterwards a butt plug, and finally, penetration.

5. Don’t rush it. It may take weeks for you to gradually get accustomed to each degree of intensity that you introduce to your play.

Finally, for some people it just doesn’t work! It may just be that your boyfriend is too big for your capability to adapt. If, after trying all of the above, it still doesn’t work then focus on exploring other equally pleasurable aspects of your lovemaking and leave this one aspect alone.