Is She Faking It?

Q. How can I tell if my girlfriend is faking orgasm? If she is, how do I bring it up without putting too much pressure on her to have one?

A. A good way to tell if your girlfriend has had an orgasm (other than asking her, but we’ll get to that) is whether she has released any 'extra' fluid at the climax of sex. G-spotting usually involves a powerful expulsion of liquid, making it easy to tell if she has come. When it comes to clitoral orgasms though, it can be difficult to differentiate between her normal ‘wetness’ and orgasmic Ejaculation. Unfortunately for you, there are many women who can’t discharge a noticeable amount of juice.

No matter how good of a lover you are, there are times when your female sexual partner won’t have an orgasm. In order for you to handle this appropriately, you need to understand the difference between men’s and women’s response to arousal. When men get aroused, it is generally followed by an Ejaculation/Orgasm release (and they are usually capable of having one); women on the other hand, may not want or even need to have an orgasm because they can feel fulfilled either by intimacy or by the intensity of sex.

Broach a conversation about what makes her feel sexually satisfied, rather than accusing her of faking. If she did fake an orgasm, it’s because she wanted to reassure you that she felt satisfied, but didn’t want you to feel insecure by not making her orgasm. Don’t put too much emphasis on her coming – any pressure she senses from you will prevent her having a real one and thwart other aspects of sex that gratify her. Lastly, focus on meeting her emotional needs in the bedroom. Not only will it make her feel confident, secure and safe, it’ll encourage her to let down her guard and surrender to Orgasm.